Internet changes the life of another innocent man
Published 11/8/05
My life was forever changed by an e-mail I received last week. In fact, I’m still in a state of shock and heading toward the land of awe. I’m speechless, except to say, “Thank God for the Internet.”
Mind you, I have been asked to keep this confidential. But I think there’s something to be learned here about the lottery of life. Because you just never know when your number will come up. As the Zen master said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
And this story begins at the end of last week.
Er, maybe it was actually the middle of the week when I received an unexpected message from an account officer with the Royal Bank Trust of Nigeria. I knew it was important because the entire e-mail message was written in capital letters. It was slugged, “STRICTLY A PRIVATE BUSINESS PROPOSAL” and signed by “EMMANUEL MBA.” (I think this means Emmanuel has a business background.) Anyway, I knew immediately that this guy was very important.
As it turns out, Emmanuel is the personal account manager of John Mark Jensen Sr., an oil merchant who was born and educated in America before moving abroad to work for the government of Nigeria. That is, Emmanuel “was” the personal account manager of Jensen Sr. According to “EMMANUEL MBA,” Jensen Sr. died in a tragic motor accident a few years ago. But the story gets better. There had been no success by the Royal Bank Trust in locating next of kin as beneficiary. Emmanuel said the government had no reason to believe that the oil man was married or had children. At the time of his death, Jensen Sr., customer of the Royal Bank Trust, had a balance of $55.5 million.
Apparently, the reason for Emmanuel’s urgency and his capital letters concerned the fact that the chairman and board of directors at the Royal Bank were about to declare the funds unclaimed and have them donated to the “ARMS ARMUNITION TRUST FUNDS,” which, according to Emmanuel, would “FURTHER ENHANCE THE CAUSE OF WAR IN AFRICA AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL.” Now I’m not sure what any of this meant and I’ve never heard of an “armunition” but none of this sounded very good. Besides, Emmanuel seemed to be preoccupied about the world in general and my bank account in specific.
But here’s the kicker, er, the business proposal. He wanted permission to list me as John Mark Jensen Sr.’s next of kin! Can you believe that? Me, Jack Williams, citizen of Anderson, Ind., in the US of A, and a man with an Internet address as John Mark Jensen Sr.’s beneficiary, the recipient of the oil man’s savings!!! Emmanuel assured me that “THE BUSINESS IS 100% RISK FREE.”
Now, all I have to do is provide Mr. E with an open account into which the Royal Bank Trust account officer will transfer a cool, unclaimed $55.5 mil, minus the necessary fees. Also, he’s also urging me to meet him personally in Lagos, Nigeria, so that we can talk about “LOGISTICS AND MODALITIES AND DISBURSEMENT RATIOS TO SUIT BOTH PARTIES WITHOUT ANY CONFUSION.” But what’s a little travel expense when your checking account is about to explode before your very eyes. Oh yeah, I can’t make arrangements with Emmanuel personally but have to call his son Abba at 00 228 02 51 33.
I guess this is the number I’ve been waiting for. And if my Nigeria deal falls through, I learned this weekend that a claims agent with the Santa Lucia Security Company was “PLEASED TO INFORM ME THAT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS ATTACHED TO TICKET NUMBER 653-908-321-675 DREW LUCKY STAR NUMBERS 34-32-90-43-32 WHICH WON ME A LUMP SUM PAYOUT OF ONE MILLION EUROS IN THE EURO MILLIONS LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL.”
So this is what we mean when we talk about how the Internet is changing our lives.
My life was forever changed by an e-mail I received last week. In fact, I’m still in a state of shock and heading toward the land of awe. I’m speechless, except to say, “Thank God for the Internet.”
Mind you, I have been asked to keep this confidential. But I think there’s something to be learned here about the lottery of life. Because you just never know when your number will come up. As the Zen master said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
And this story begins at the end of last week.
Er, maybe it was actually the middle of the week when I received an unexpected message from an account officer with the Royal Bank Trust of Nigeria. I knew it was important because the entire e-mail message was written in capital letters. It was slugged, “STRICTLY A PRIVATE BUSINESS PROPOSAL” and signed by “EMMANUEL MBA.” (I think this means Emmanuel has a business background.) Anyway, I knew immediately that this guy was very important.
As it turns out, Emmanuel is the personal account manager of John Mark Jensen Sr., an oil merchant who was born and educated in America before moving abroad to work for the government of Nigeria. That is, Emmanuel “was” the personal account manager of Jensen Sr. According to “EMMANUEL MBA,” Jensen Sr. died in a tragic motor accident a few years ago. But the story gets better. There had been no success by the Royal Bank Trust in locating next of kin as beneficiary. Emmanuel said the government had no reason to believe that the oil man was married or had children. At the time of his death, Jensen Sr., customer of the Royal Bank Trust, had a balance of $55.5 million.
Apparently, the reason for Emmanuel’s urgency and his capital letters concerned the fact that the chairman and board of directors at the Royal Bank were about to declare the funds unclaimed and have them donated to the “ARMS ARMUNITION TRUST FUNDS,” which, according to Emmanuel, would “FURTHER ENHANCE THE CAUSE OF WAR IN AFRICA AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL.” Now I’m not sure what any of this meant and I’ve never heard of an “armunition” but none of this sounded very good. Besides, Emmanuel seemed to be preoccupied about the world in general and my bank account in specific.
But here’s the kicker, er, the business proposal. He wanted permission to list me as John Mark Jensen Sr.’s next of kin! Can you believe that? Me, Jack Williams, citizen of Anderson, Ind., in the US of A, and a man with an Internet address as John Mark Jensen Sr.’s beneficiary, the recipient of the oil man’s savings!!! Emmanuel assured me that “THE BUSINESS IS 100% RISK FREE.”
Now, all I have to do is provide Mr. E with an open account into which the Royal Bank Trust account officer will transfer a cool, unclaimed $55.5 mil, minus the necessary fees. Also, he’s also urging me to meet him personally in Lagos, Nigeria, so that we can talk about “LOGISTICS AND MODALITIES AND DISBURSEMENT RATIOS TO SUIT BOTH PARTIES WITHOUT ANY CONFUSION.” But what’s a little travel expense when your checking account is about to explode before your very eyes. Oh yeah, I can’t make arrangements with Emmanuel personally but have to call his son Abba at 00 228 02 51 33.
I guess this is the number I’ve been waiting for. And if my Nigeria deal falls through, I learned this weekend that a claims agent with the Santa Lucia Security Company was “PLEASED TO INFORM ME THAT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS ATTACHED TO TICKET NUMBER 653-908-321-675 DREW LUCKY STAR NUMBERS 34-32-90-43-32 WHICH WON ME A LUMP SUM PAYOUT OF ONE MILLION EUROS IN THE EURO MILLIONS LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL.”
So this is what we mean when we talk about how the Internet is changing our lives.
posted by Jack W. Williams | 9:48 PM
1 Comments:
This is an amazing entry!
Cheers!
Luke
Post a Comment
<< Home