“Peruse the News” is a survey of offbeat behavior
Published 3/7/06
During my career as a journalist, I have enjoyed playing a little game that I call “Peruse the News.” When I peruse the news, I’m not so much boning up on current events as I am observing human behavior.
Rather, human mis-behavior.
As someone, probably a newsroom editor, once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction.”
For example, a few years ago I came across this story in USA Today about a public estate sale of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Derrick Thomas. As the USA Today story goes, “Thomas, who died Feb. 8, 2000, from injuries suffered in an auto accident, left seven children from five women and no will.”
Apparently, Derrick was a family man many times over.
The estate sale was to include items “ranging from Thomas’ two Mercedes automobiles (valued at $106,500 and $60,500) to unopened packages of boxers, briefs and athletic supporters.” As any football team will tell you, it’s hard to put a dollar value on athletic supporters.
A couple years ago, The Indianapolis Star covered President Bush’s visit to Indy. When the president’s motorcade was cruising 38th Street near the Indiana State Fairgrounds, a demonstrator from Fishers allegedly jumped in the street, waved a U.N. flag and punched a police officer who tried to move him away from the path of the motorcade. At the time of his arrest, the accused reportedly said he would stay in jail for the seven weeks leading up to his trial instead of posting the $20,000 bail.
“I’ve been trying to catch up on my writing for a long time,” he told the Star.
Hmm. Never thought of that.
This paper reported the capture of two too-intoxicated robbery suspects who were acting suspicious in the 2800 block of Columbus Avenue. They looked suspicious because they were wearing ski masks and gloves, they matched the description of suspects who had just “visited” a nearby liquor store and there is no ski resort in Madison County. Note to thugs and thieves: Under normal circumstances, you ditch the thugwear after you leave the scene of the crime.
One of the suspects complained in video court that every time he tried to complete his GED, he was put in jail. Well, that explains it.
Did you hear the one about the mayor in Cottageville, S.C.? During his term he has worked to change the small town’s reputation as a speed trap. So maybe he was just testing his officers when he was ticketed recently for going 103 in a 55 mph zone. He added to the town’s revenue when he paid his ticket which amounted to $375. But no word on whether the town’s image has been made new—or just confirmed.
A USA Today story last August looked at the shorthand devices a Dallas gas station used on its signs to communicate climbing prices to its customers. Using words and graphic symbols, regular unleaded was going for an “Arm,” the mid-grade octane for a “Leg” and premium for “Your First Born.” It’s nice when pump owners can have a sense of humor about it.
An Associated Press story recently reported how a man in a West Chester, Penn., courtroom, dressed in a suit and tie and shackles on his wrists and ankles, was sentenced 10 to 20 years on a charge of conspiracy to commit murder. The judge then allowed sheriff deputies to remove the shackles from the convicted and promptly read wedding nuptials to the man and his fiancée, pronouncing them man and wife and giving them a few minutes for wedding photos. The new Mrs. said she planned to move near her husband’s incarceration site.
For better or worse.
I did a double take when I read this next story, which appeared on the Associated Press wire just this weekend, a little too quickly: “A criminal justice professor at Grand Rapids Community College has resigned after showing a video in class of a man having sex with a pig, students and a faculty representative said.” Read it again—if you must—and try not to pause before the word “said.”
If you’re going to play “Peruse the News,” it pays to play it slowly.
During my career as a journalist, I have enjoyed playing a little game that I call “Peruse the News.” When I peruse the news, I’m not so much boning up on current events as I am observing human behavior.
Rather, human mis-behavior.
As someone, probably a newsroom editor, once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction.”
For example, a few years ago I came across this story in USA Today about a public estate sale of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Derrick Thomas. As the USA Today story goes, “Thomas, who died Feb. 8, 2000, from injuries suffered in an auto accident, left seven children from five women and no will.”
Apparently, Derrick was a family man many times over.
The estate sale was to include items “ranging from Thomas’ two Mercedes automobiles (valued at $106,500 and $60,500) to unopened packages of boxers, briefs and athletic supporters.” As any football team will tell you, it’s hard to put a dollar value on athletic supporters.
A couple years ago, The Indianapolis Star covered President Bush’s visit to Indy. When the president’s motorcade was cruising 38th Street near the Indiana State Fairgrounds, a demonstrator from Fishers allegedly jumped in the street, waved a U.N. flag and punched a police officer who tried to move him away from the path of the motorcade. At the time of his arrest, the accused reportedly said he would stay in jail for the seven weeks leading up to his trial instead of posting the $20,000 bail.
“I’ve been trying to catch up on my writing for a long time,” he told the Star.
Hmm. Never thought of that.
This paper reported the capture of two too-intoxicated robbery suspects who were acting suspicious in the 2800 block of Columbus Avenue. They looked suspicious because they were wearing ski masks and gloves, they matched the description of suspects who had just “visited” a nearby liquor store and there is no ski resort in Madison County. Note to thugs and thieves: Under normal circumstances, you ditch the thugwear after you leave the scene of the crime.
One of the suspects complained in video court that every time he tried to complete his GED, he was put in jail. Well, that explains it.
Did you hear the one about the mayor in Cottageville, S.C.? During his term he has worked to change the small town’s reputation as a speed trap. So maybe he was just testing his officers when he was ticketed recently for going 103 in a 55 mph zone. He added to the town’s revenue when he paid his ticket which amounted to $375. But no word on whether the town’s image has been made new—or just confirmed.
A USA Today story last August looked at the shorthand devices a Dallas gas station used on its signs to communicate climbing prices to its customers. Using words and graphic symbols, regular unleaded was going for an “Arm,” the mid-grade octane for a “Leg” and premium for “Your First Born.” It’s nice when pump owners can have a sense of humor about it.
An Associated Press story recently reported how a man in a West Chester, Penn., courtroom, dressed in a suit and tie and shackles on his wrists and ankles, was sentenced 10 to 20 years on a charge of conspiracy to commit murder. The judge then allowed sheriff deputies to remove the shackles from the convicted and promptly read wedding nuptials to the man and his fiancée, pronouncing them man and wife and giving them a few minutes for wedding photos. The new Mrs. said she planned to move near her husband’s incarceration site.
For better or worse.
I did a double take when I read this next story, which appeared on the Associated Press wire just this weekend, a little too quickly: “A criminal justice professor at Grand Rapids Community College has resigned after showing a video in class of a man having sex with a pig, students and a faculty representative said.” Read it again—if you must—and try not to pause before the word “said.”
If you’re going to play “Peruse the News,” it pays to play it slowly.
posted by Jack W. Williams | 4:26 PM
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